When Bob Sham realized that reviewing documentaries required something sturdier than the archaic star rating scale that is trashing up every iTunes and Amazon review, he developed a system inspired by one of the most prolific filmmakers of our era: the HERZOG RATING SYSTEM.
The HERZOG RATING SYSTEM requires two film-savvy individuals to make the system properly function. One individual rates a documentary 1 thru 5 HERZOGS, then another individual rates the same documentary 1 thru 5 HERZOGS. Then the two individuals combine their scores for best out of 10 HERZOGS.
It’s important to note that the HERZOG RATING SYSTEM must be used properly! For example: you watch a documentary that you love and rate it 5 HERZOGS. Then, you discuss the documentary with another individual before you’ve combined it with another person’s review. If that person hated the doc and declares, “I give this film 1 HERZOG!” then you are stuck with that paired review, and the documentary you loved now has a very average 6 HERZOGS.
THE HERZOG RATING SYSTEM DEMANDS CAUTION AND RESPECT!
The HERZOG RATING SYSTEM is a blanket name for a broad system of measuring several different aspects of culture and life, but only feature length documentaries are rated in HERZOGS. Here are some other branches of the HERZOG RATING SYSTEM.
Docu-series are rated in
ERROL MORRISES (that is the proper pluralization btw)
Documentary short films are rated in
Fictional feature films are rated in
Good people are rated in
Music is rated in
Stage plays are rated in
SPIDER-MAN TURN OFF THE DARKS
The police (including the band “The Police”) are rated in
and Good Days are rated in
This revolutionary rating system will evolve over the years to cover every aspect of art and life. We can all do our part by demanding all other outlets that use star rating systems convert to the HERZOG RATING SYSTEM. Someday, when we have more power, we can make star rating systems punishable by death, but until we acquire that power we gotta chill on that.
Can you think of any other suggestions for other categories under the HERZOG RATING SCALE? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Keep on Doccin’®